ZOMG SCHKOOL
by Hoogiman
Summary: THE SMASH BROS ARE IN HIGH SCHKOOL BUT HOW WILL THEY COPE! This is REALLY original... I know there are OTHER highschoollifeforthesmashers fics, but this one has um... a ROBOT... THING. REVIEW FOOLS!1
1. The Explanation

ZOMG SCHKOOL

By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

Author's note: This chapter is to explain why they're in school or something… I don't know… perhaps this is an awful parody…

**Chapter One: The Explanation**

"Everyone!" said Master Hand, "Look at my new invention!"

Everyone suddenly stopped their daily rituals, and dashed from the room that they were in into Master Hand's room. Why? Being interested in Master Hand's strange gimmicks gets his respect for you, as well makes you get a pay rise. Which means you can afford to have a meal every now and then.

"Wow, I'm so interested!" said Bowser, grinning in a fake voice.

"**Cool**! What new **cool things **did you make this time, Captain **Cool**?" said Nana, grinning.

"You never call anyone cool!" said Popo, angrily.

"Do so!" replied Nana.

"Name one time!"

"Well… uh…"

Nana hit Luigi on the head with a frying pan.

"Ow-a!" said Luigi, angrily, "What was that for?"

"Uh…" said Nana, "**(insert witty ramblings to save awful punch line set up)**."

Everybody chuckled.

"My new invention is a time machine!" said Master Hand. "This time machines is so cool! It can transport you to any time of the world's existence! Now that you've got the general gist of my invention, I can put any random junk into my speech, and because no one is reading, no one will notice anyway!"

"Cool!" said Nana. "I want to go back 2000 years ago and meet Jesus! I'm such a devoted Christian!"

"You're not a Christian at all!" said Popo angrily. "In fact, I've heard you mention several times you didn't care about religion!"

"I do too!" said Nana angrily, "I mention religion all the time!"

"Name once!" said Popo angrily.

"Well… uh…"

Nana hit Luigi on the head with a frying pan.

"Ow-a!" said Luigi, angrily, "What was that for?"

"Uh…" said Nana, "**(insert witty ramblings to save awful punch line set up)**."

Everybody chuckled.

"Woah, deja vu!" said Fox.

"Who wants to try out my time machine!" said Master Hand.

Everyone said a collective, "Me!"

"Hop in, then!" said Master Hand.

Everyone cheered, and hopped in.

"But first, let me tamper with the controls so something will screw up when you time travel to make the story interesting!" said Master Hand.

Master Hand fiddled around with the control panel.

"I have a control panel inside my computer!" said Peach. "You can access it by the start menu!"

Several people clobbered Peach, because of that random trivial knowledge that wasn't needed to be brought up.

"Okay, have fun!" said Master Hand.

Everyone cheered.

Master Hand closed a door, and locked them inside the time machine.

"Woohoo! Money galore!" said Master Hand.

Master Hand raided everyone's rooms out of all of their money, and then floated back.

"Why aren't we travelling yet?" asked Mario, angrily.

"Because this piece of crap doesn't work!" chuckled Master Hand. "It's all a lie!"

A collective groan was heard.

"Hey, what does this button do?" asked Falco.

Falco pressed on a button, and… uh… everyone was magically… teleported… somewhere…

**Inside the giant time machine…**

"Hey, we're moving!" said Link.

An enormous thud was heard. Everybody covered their ears to block the sound.

The lights went out.

Peach screamed.

Link screamed.

The lights went back on.

The time machine disintegrated into thin air.

Everyone appeared outside a large building.

Everybody stared at each other weirdly.

"Why does everyone look so… so… young?" asked Link, looking around.

"Why don't I have my beard? My lovely beard?" asked Roy, patting on his chin.

Everyone stared at each other.

"Hehe… Link looks like… 15!" said Peach, teasing.

"OH NOES WE'RE ALL TEENAGERS!1" said Bowser.

The bell rung.

"OH NOES, WE'RE ALL VOLUNTARILY GOING TO HAVE TO ATTEND CLASSES THEN!" said Bowser.

Everyone walked inside, and attended school.

**THE END**

**(of chapter)**


	2. OH NOES CLASS!

ZOMG SCHKOOL

By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

**Chapter Two: OH NOES CLASS!1**

Everyone moaned, because they had to go to classes. And they were all younger. Except for the kids, who somehow aged like, ten years.

"I don't-a have my moustache!" cried Mario, patting the area between his lip and his nose.

"I don't-a have _my _moustache!" cried Luigi.

"I don't feel different at all," said Samus.

"That's because you're wearing a suit!" laughed Fox.

"Oh," said Samus.

"How do you eat? Or go to the toilet for that matter?" queried a curious Luigi.

"I don't," said Samus.

"I read on this website, if you don't go to the toilet for 12 days, your head gets naturally decapitated!" said Peach.

Peach's head became naturally decapitated.

Everyone gave Peach's dead carcass a dirty look.

None of the readers laughed at the former jokes.

"I'm like, a teenager!" said Popo.

"My voice isn't sexy anymore!" complained DK.

"Your voice still sounds sexy to me!" said Falcon, winking.

Everyone stared in a disturbed fashion at Falcon.

"In a… manly… straight… sort of sexy… you know… man to man praise sort of thing… heh heh… you believe me… right?" asked Falcon.

DK beat up Falcon.

Everyone else shrugged, and joined in.

The bell rung.

**Inside the school…**

"Welcome to English class!" said the teacher.

All of the smashers groaned.

"Learning is fun!" said Ness, the stereotypical school nerd.

Several smashers beat up Ness.

"Who did the homework?" asked the teacher.

"I did mine!" said Ness, holding up the piece of paper, "Despite us only being in this parallel universe for about five minutes and me having no prior knowledge of the set homework tasks!"

Ness grinned.

The teacher looked at Ness' homework. "A Plus!"

Ness grinned.

"Did anyone else do the homework?" asked the teacher.

The teacher walked up to Falco.

"Did you read, Pride and Prejudice and answer the questions?" asked the teacher.

"Uh… uh…" said Falco, "I saw the Bollywood version of the film, if that helps!"

"Detention," said the teacher.

Everyone started sweating.

The teacher walked up to Samus.

"Samus, did you do your homework?"

Samus pulled out her gun, and shot the teacher several times, killing him.

The bell rung.

Everyone cheered.

"Isn't it so nice and such a coincidence that classes are only about four minutes long so the author doesn't have to waste time writing about classes at all?" asked Samus.

**THE END**

**(of the chapter)**

**REVIEW FOOLS!1  
**


	3. OH NOES TEECHER 1

ZOMG SCHKOOL

By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

**Chapter Three: OH NOES TEECHER!1**

**Bowser**

"La la la," sang Bowser, walking down the hallway.

A teacher approached Bowser.

"You need to see the principal," said the teacher.

"What did I do?" asked Bowser.

"You know what you did," said the teacher, "And you have broken school policies!"

"I don't know what I did!" said Bowser, genuinely.

"Don't talk back," replied the teacher angrily.

"I seriously don't know what I did!" shouted Bowser.

"Don't talk back!" said the teacher angrily, "Why were you talking back?"

"I-"

"Stop talking back!" said the teacher.

"But you just asked me a question!" shouted Bowser.

"Why do you keep on talking back?" snapped the teacher.

"Because you ask me questions!" said Bowser angrily.

"You just talked back again!" said the teacher angrily, "Detention!"

"But I really didn't know what I-"

"DON'T… TALK… BACK!" shrieked the teacher.

Bowser sighed, grabbed a locker and hit the teacher over the head with it, killing him.

Everyone stared.

"Uh…" laughed Bowser uncertainly, "Heh… heh… it was in… the name of… uh… science…"

Everyone applauded.

Bowser jammed open a random locker, and dumped the body in there.

**Link**

"Why are they checking lockers randomly for bodies?" asked Link.

"Dunno…" replied Zelda.

The principal walked up to Link.

"Any bodies in your locker, Link?" asked the principal.

"No sir," replied Link.

"Can I check your locker?" asked the principal.

"Of course," said Link, grabbing the lock, "But I have to say you're wasting your time, I wouldn't have a body in my locker!"

Link gave a friendly smile to the principal.

"Open up, then," said the principal, smiling back.

Link did the combination on his lock, and then pulled it out. He opened up the door the whole way to reveal a dead teacher's body inside the locker.

The principal looked shocked.

Link noticed the body, gasped, and started hyperventilating.

"But- but- that can't be!" shouted Link, panicking, "I'm a good student! I'm a good role model!"

"How… how could you Link?" asked the principal.

"Someone must have- have tampered with my locker and- and framed me or something!" cried Link.

"I… I thought you were a good student… but then… you killed… Mr. Smith… I can't believe this," said the principal in a giant state of shock.

"Well… uh…" said Link.

"_Must bluff out of this_,_"_ thought Link desperately.

"Uh… uh…" said Link, thinking, "You see… that wasn't really Mr. Smith's body… it was his… evil… traumatized… criminal… yeah, criminal… murdering… twin brother!"

"I never knew he had a twin brother," said the principal suspiciously.

"Well… well now he does," said Link, faking a smile.

…

…

…

"'K," said the principal, walking away.

Link quickly disposed the body in a nearby bin.

**THE END**

**(of just the chapter, haha, and you thought it ended)**

**REVIEW FOOLS!1**


	4. OH NOES SCIENCE 1

ZOMG SCHKOOL  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

**Chapter Three: OH NOES SCIENCE!1**

"Welcome to Science!" said the teacher. "Before we do our first practical report, I will give everybody a Bunsen burner test!"

"Aww," groaned everyone.

"Come on!" said Bowser angrily, "Everyone knows how to use a Bunsen burner! That's baby stuff!"

Everyone else nodded, agreeing.

"Aah! My hair is on fire!" screamed Peach.

Everyone stared at Peach.

…

…

"…due to the Bunsen burner!" said Peach, panicking.

"Yes Peach," sighed Bowser, "That was your cue, and you were right on time."

"Wait," said Ness, "How can everyone know how to use a Bunsen burner, despite our obviously different backgrounds, and some of us not even using technology before? How does that work?"

…

…

"Bash him!" screamed Ganondorf.

Everyone bashed Ness.

"Order, class!" said the teacher, "Now to pass the test, you'll have to heat this beaker by placing it over a lit Bunsen burner!"

"How do we even have time? Classes only go for four minutes!" said Ness, "In fact in the second chapter Samus even asked, 'Isn't it so nice and such a coincidence that classes are only about four minutes long so the author doesn't have to waste time writing about classes at all?'"

…

…

"Bash him!" yelled Ganondorf.

Everyone bashed up Ness.

The bell rung.

**Yoshi**

Yoshi walked down the hallway between classes, humming, before being approached by two kids.

"Hi Yoshi, we're OC bullies, and we're here to beat you up! Our names are Rambo and… what's another bully name?" asked a student.

"Uh…" replied the other, "Jason?"

"No, Jason is a 'pretty boy' name," replied the first student.

"How about Todd?"

"Todd's like… a 'mommy's boy' name."

Yoshi gave them weird looks, and walked past.

"How about… Trent? That's a pretty bully-ish name."

"Actually yeah, that sounds good. You sure?"

Samus walked in front of them.

"Yeah."

"Okay, so we're author OC bullies, and we're here to beat you up!" said the first.

"WTF?" said Samus.

"Aah ahh AAH!" the bullies screamed. "Shapeshifter!"

The bullies ran around the corner to find Yoshi standing there.

"AAAH! AHH! Shapeshifter AND teleporter! NUUUUUEEEEEE!1" they both screamed in unison.

The bell rung.

"I guess it's time for another class!" said Peach.

"What a crappy chapter ending," replied uh… Zelda.

**THE END**

**(of chapter)**


	5. OH NOES GEOGRAPHY 1

ZOMG SCHKOOL

By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

**Chapter Five: OH NOES GEOGRAPHY!1 **

"Hello!" said the overly cheerful female teacher, smiling. "Welcome to Geography! Here you will learn about the world around you!"

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

"Why after finding all of the other subjects boring, suddenly have an interest in Geography?" asked Ness.

"She's smiling," replied Ganondorf.

"So?" replied Ness.

The teacher stopped smiling.

"Now we find it boring!" said all of the smashers in unison, disturbingly.

"Oh," said Ness.

"Who can name any of the ten Altean lakes?" asked the teacher.

Falco stared out of the window, moaning.

"Falco, do you know?" asked the teacher.

"Uh… I watched the Bollywood version, if that helps…"

…

…

"Falco, we're not in English, we're in Geography," said Ness, sighing.

"Oh," said Falco. "Well… uh… bash the kid that knows too much!"

Everyone did.

The teacher stared in disbelief.

"Noooooo!" screamed the teacher, down onto her knees onto the floor. "What about my vision of a perfect co-educational fundamental Christian geography class?"

The teacher melted.

A substitute teacher walked in.

"It seems Miss Parsons has melted, again," said the teacher surprisingly calmly, "So I'm taking over!"

Everyone moaned.

The teacher smiled.

Everyone cheered.

The teacher stopped smiling.

Everyone moaned.

"Today we're learning how to read maps!" said the substitute teacher.

"I feel like an idiot being taught all of this! Is the educational system dumbing down classes so students feel better about themselves?" said Bowser angrily, "**Everyone **knows how to read maps!"

Peach ran in with a bucket of stinky fish over her head.

"I have a bucket of stinky fish over my head!" said Peach.

…

…

"…due to my lack of map-reading skills!" said Peach.

Bowser wept.

"Whose idea was it for Peach, the comedy relief not to be comedic?" asked Ganondorf, angrily.

Ness chuckled uncertainly.

"Bash him!" screamed the fundamentalist teacher, coming back from the dead.

Everyone bashed Ness up.

The fundamentalist teacher realised that they were fighting, and melted again.

The bell rung.

Everyone ran out really quickly, cartoon style.

No one laughed.

The chapter ended.

**END CAHPTER **

**(of chapter) **


	6. OH NOES REPOARTS!

ZOMG SCHKOOL

By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

**Chapter Six: OH NOES REPOARTS!1**

"Rise and shine!" said Ness to everyone.

All of the smashers woke up, groggy and in a hung over state.

"Ness, it's only… four thirty in the morning!" said Bowser angrily.

Everyone started contemplating bashing Ness, but decided that because it was too early and the joke was getting old, didn't.

"Why did you wake us up?" said Falco angrily.

"Reports came!" said a cheery Ness. "I got an A or above on everything!"

Ness grinned happily.

"Wait, how does that work?" asked Bowser, "We've only had two classes, how can we just suddenly get our report cards back? It obviously shows the lack of storytelling skills, reasoning and lack of common sense of the author, as well as his lack of commitment to the story! I mean, **only a lazy author would just write stuff without any explanation**!"

A volcano nearby erupted, causing candy lava to go everywhere.

"GSUYFDVFYIVEWUFYG!1" screamed Bowser, ripping Ness to threads.

"Here are all of your report cards!" said Ness cheerfully, handing them out.

"WTF!1 I JUST KILLED YOU! THE AUTHOR SUCKSZORS!1" screamed Bowser, torching the school down.

Everyone looked at their report cards.

"Aw… I got an F in English…" said Falco.

"I got an F in Latin…" read Link, "We don't even do latin!"

"SEE HOW UNPLAUSIBLE THIS STORY IS?" screamed Bowser, ripping Ness to threads.

Again.

The bell rung.

"I guess it's time for our next class," said Pichu.

"WAIT!1" screamed Bowser. "It was only FOUR-THIRTY in the FREAKIN' morning before! The bell just doesn't ring at FOUR-THIRTY IN THE MORNING!1 **AND DIDN'T I TORCH THE DAMN SCHOOL? **How can the freakin' bell just **GO OFF **if I just **TORCHED THE SCHOOL TO ASHES?**"

The men in white coats came to take Bowser away.

"We're here to take you away," said the men in white coats.

"**NOOOOOOo!11eleventy**" screamed Bowser.

The men in white coats took Bowser away.

"Wait!" said Bowser, "It's a mix-up!"

Bowser pointed to Ness.

"He's Bowser!" said Bowser.

"Oh!" said the men in white coats, understandingly.

The men in white coats took Ness away.

"Phew!" said Bowser.

The men in white coats came back in.

"You must be Ness then?" asked the men in white coats.

"Uh…" said Bowser, "Yeeeesss…."

"Well then, we're going to have to take you away for being too nerdy!"

"**NUUUUUUEEEE!1**" screamed Bowser.

The men in white coats took Bowser away.

**Fin.**

**(of chapter)**


	7. OH NOES MATHS!

ZOMG SCHKOOL

By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

**Chapter Seven: OH NOES MATHS!1**

"Welcome to maths!" said the teacher, smiling.

Everyone groaned.

"Why don't you enjoy maths, children?" asked the teacher.

"It's not interesting at all," moaned Falco.

"You'll enjoy it today!" said the teacher.

"Really?" chanted all of the smashers in unison.

"Quite so!" said the teacher, "Because I have dropped pills into your tea that will force you to smile!"

"Stupid (insert swear word here) teacher!" said Bowser angrily, smiling. "Manipulating our bodies in a way that we have to enjoy learning!"

"Ha, I didn't drink my tea!" said Donkey Kong triumphantly, "So you can't force me to smile!"

"Well… uh… there are… what is your favourite food Donkey Kong?" asked the teacher.

"How do you know my name?" asked Donkey Kong, alarmed.

"Staking- stalking- talking… yes, talking to your… uh… parents…" said the teacher nervously.

"Oh, okay! Well, my favourite food is freshly picked bananas!" said Donkey Kong.

"Well… uh… uh… there's uh… bananas… in your tea…" said the teacher.

"Really?" asked Donkey Kong. "Okay!"

Donkey Kong sculled down the tea.

Donkey Kong started to smile.

"Drat!" said Donkey Kong, smiling.

"You idiot!" said Ganondorf, with a forced cheery smile on her face.

"WTF? Her?" teased Marth, "Haha! Surgery! Surgery!"

"That is not true, you maggot-loving, goose-eating-" said Ganondorf, with a smile on his face.

"What if I did in the night?" teased Marth.

Ganondorf checked.

"Haha! Made you check!" laughed Marth.

"Ness, did you drink your tea?" asked the teacher.

"No!" said Ness, smiling, "I'm always smiling when it comes to education!"

"Bash that little whiny bas-" said Ganondorf, smiling.

Everyone bashed Ness.

"Anyone else unpopular to bash?" asked Ganondorf, smiling.

Everyone turned over and looked at Yoshi, who was enjoying reading a book.

"Bash him!" said Ganondorf with a cheery grin.

Everyone bashed Ness.

"Anyone who is unpopular gets bashed!" announced Ganondorf.

"Yay! I haven't been bashed!" said Peach. "Which means I'm popular!"

Everyone bashed up Peach.

"Ow," said Peach, "At least I have you, Luigi!"

"Oh my lord-a!" shouted Mario, "You have-a Luigi's dead carcass there!"

"Oh," said Peach, "At least I have this tea that's safe to drink!"

Peach drank the tea, and was forced to grin by the drugs.

"Stupid school!" said a cheery Peach.

"Today, we shall learn about Pythagoras' theorem!" said the teacher. "What is Pythagoras' theorem?"

The bell rung.

"Have you noticed how we don't actually learn anything in these classes?" asked Ness.

"Not really," said Falco.

"Falco!" said the teacher angrily, "You're talking in class! Extra homework!"

"WTF?" asked Falco, "The bell rung! Hence why everyone ran out of class, because perhaps it was over?"

"Don't talk back! Detention! And extra homework!" said the teacher.

"I hate this!" said Falco.

…

…

"Do you have like, a weapon of some sort?" asked Falco to the teacher.

"Uh… yes, this machete," said the teacher, taking one out from her pocket.

"Can I borrow it?"

"Sure."

Falco borrowed the machete.

Falco stabbed the teacher.

She died.

**THE END  
(of chapter)**


End file.
